do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
