That's when you crack a 10am beer
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Holy shit dude........stairs
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
