i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
