i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
