Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
