It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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