I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
