my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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