Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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