I wanna passion pit in your ass
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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