GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
