ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
