it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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