apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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