Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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