plz talk dirty to me
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
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