I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so let's talk penis.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
