oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
