I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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