He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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