Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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