We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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