if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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