your thong is hanging out like whoa
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
