but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
my shit smells like andre
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
