***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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