he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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