Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
