how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
