Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
