All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
