I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
