so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
