Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We are all done wearing pants today
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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