dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
