i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
