Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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