Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
