Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
