You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
