I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
