i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
