I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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