I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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