From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
