Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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