i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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