Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
