I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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