I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
