my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
