I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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