but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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