We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
