He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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